First Otaku Battalion

I was browsing Amazon JP for the Japan release date for Crisis Core when I noticed the “REVIEWS” beneath it.

I see people excited about the release, and I see the usual flamers.

Firstly, to give a 5-star review before the fucking game is even out is stupid.

Secondly, to give a 1-star review is just as stupid.

To those who anticipate the release excitedly, continue with your masturbation.

To those who think that Square Enix is milking the fans dry of their money by blatantly releasing FF7 spin-offs, YOU’RE FUCKING RIGHT! Is that WRONG? There’s a demand, thus they provide the supply. Get this in your heads dipshits, people want FF7 spin-offs, FF7 rip-offs, FF7 remakes, FF7 prequels/sequels, FF7 for PSP/DS/PS3/360/Wii/Phones, that’s why the supply is there. Is Square Enix being evil? No, they are business-minded and you are stupid. Are any of these FF7 works done badly? No. Are the fans outraged? No. Is Square Enix earning wads of cash? Yes. Who’s making all that noise? Dipshits who buy the releases in the end but try to sound clever online.

I’m sick of you morons who like to put yourself on high moral plane and mock at all the “mindless fans who buy into any FF7 product Square Enix releases” and end up buying them too. Shitheads, go get a life.

Let’s analyse these one-star reviews:

お願い、スクエニ様！もうＦＦの名前をこれ以上汚さないでくれ！ファンはアホじゃない！駄作ばっかり出したら、買わなくなるぞ！mistwalker頑張れ！坂口万歳！！

Translation: Please, Square-sama! Please stop tainting the name of FF! The fans are not stupid! If you keep dishing out shit work, I’d stop buying your stuff! Go mistwalker! (are you dumb?) sakaguchi banzai! (sakaguchi will cry to be associated with you)

Firstly, he claims that SE is tainting the name of Final Fantasy. Other than the movie Spirits Within that isn’t even remotely close to being labelled as FF, which of the Final Fantasy releases have been so bad it taints the name of the franchise?

FF9? It was a good game, offers simple entertainment and great graphics for the last PS1 FF. Name me another. None? Go fuck yourself shithead.

In this context, I shall presume that he means the PSP Crisis Core release is a shameful work of Satan. Has he played it yet? No. Are any of the FF7 spin-offs thus far bad? None. Don’t get started with Advent Children. It is good and you know it. If you think it isn’t, you’re probably deluding yourself to stand out from the crowd like the above-mentioned dipshit.

“ファンはアホじゃない!” (Fans are not stupid!)
He’s right! This guy here is not a fan and he is clearly a retard. From the way he exclaims “mistwalker頑張れ！坂口万歳！！” for added stupidity concludes it.

“駄作ばっかり出したら、買わなくなるぞ！”
駄作? Like I said, name me one. No one wants your moral-high-ground fecal money. One less moron buyer won’t make a difference.

スクウェアはここ数年で落ちるでしょう。
タイトルのたたき売りを始めました。
みんながこよなく愛するFF7を人気があることに漬け込んで、原作者が会社からいなくなった途端好き勝手に儲け種に使いまくっています。
この作品の中にはオリジナルFF7はもういません。コダワリもありません。

全ては私たちFFファンからお金を儲けることしかないのです。

とてもざんねんに思います。
FF創始者、坂口さんは今ミストウォーカーという会社を一人立ち上げ、また私たちに面白いゲームを届けようと頑張っています。

とても複雑です。

Translation:
Square has really fallen these few years.
So much so that it has started its assault of title releases. They are now blatantly profitting off the FF7 title that everyone loves, now that the original creator is gone. This work doesn’t have the original FF7 feel to it. No prejudice.

This is all to milk FF fans of their money.

This is very disappointing.

Final Fantasy originator Sakaguchi has now independently started a company by the name of Mistwalker, working hard to provide us with more interesting games.

The more I translate this, the more I think this guy’s a fag. Square Enix has fallen these few years? I think they are earning more money than you can fap to. What do you mean by “fallen”? MORALS? If companies worked on MORALS, they’d probably go bankrupt before you can even say “W-[ow! Great philanthropic company! We should all fap to it but end up not buying anything from them anyway.]”. By the way, what is so immoral about selling products that the fanbase demands. I repeat what I’ve said above:
- no shit works of FF has been released
- supply X demand

Is Square releasing manure to consumers? No. So what are you bitching about?

As for the work not having the original FF7 feel to it statement. My dear, FF7 was a revolution in its time but now its style is called CLICHE. I bet these moronic Japanese don’t understand this concept. If SE was to release a prequel to FF7 with a totally identical battle system as FF7, self-deluding bastards like you would probably end up saying “Meh, SE is running out of ideas” isn’t it? Dumbass. To add on, what’s an “original FF7 feel” anyway? This shitfuck who has’t even PLAYED THE DAMN FUCKING CRISIS CORE claims that it lacks the element he cooked up and fails to give a definition to. This guy should die.

“This is all to milk FF fans of their money.

This is very disappointing.”

What’s so disappointing about SE milking money? Because it’s not you who’s milking the money? Are they milking you wrongly (by your member)?

They found the milk road that’s going to dry up in years so why not milk it dry? It’s not as if they are highly reliant on this milk road and not paying attention to other successful franchises under their arms. I hate such self-pimping idiots. They think they know everything. They think companies are filled with morons who only do things the way they think they do. They think KyoAni’s Lucky Star rides on its Haruhi success waves, they think GAINAX are bastards, they think Microsoft is evil, they think Google is saint, they think Odex is gay(the silver lining is gay, pun intended). They don’t have space in their brains for possibilities, complications, restrictions nor an extra ounce of wit. Oh my god, the thought of these people makes me want to crush their balls dry. I fail to comprehend the existence of such moronic entities.

“Final Fantasy originator Sakaguchi has now independently started a company by the name of Mistwalker, working hard to provide us with more interesting games.”

Sakaguchi will slice off his balls and feed it to his wife if he knows such dipshits are using him as shit-bait.

This is getting too long and I shall stop here. I feel my fever coming back. Fuck.